The weird life

11924915_10152909893926853_6672686374771263182_nSpending time in Bali means the following:

Getting woken up by a combination of rat, snake, rooster noises at 4am and/or by a prayer call coming from the only mosque in town.

When your yoga teacher used to be a gay drug addicted escort/ prostitute and porn star (but now is only addicted to yoga).

When your other yoga teacher tells you she can see spirits and communicate with the dead after showing you her piece of $6,000 medical technology that can cure parasites. Awkward.

When you have to hire a local male dancer for the evening to be able to actually go dancing.

When your capoeira teacher has class in the ‘living room’ of his house which is on a ravine above a gushing river next to a temple and meditation cave.

When you pay for the privilege of going to a farm and working your ass off all morning harvesting and planting things.

When you have to go to the immigration office to renew your visa and the person sitting next to you is a tall, blond American in a million jingly rings, who tries to get you to join her cult in India

When her young, rich American ivy-league educated student tells you all about his plans to create a startup which involves bugs becoming a staple of people’s diets.

When you find Diva Cups, Yoni Eggs and self-administered enema kits for sale in restaurants.

When the American women sitting next to you at a vegan restaurant earns her living by working two hours a day via Skype doing past life regressions.

When the British-Brazilian family sitting on the other side of you at a vegan restaurant live in a boat and sail from country to country as they please with no ‘home’ to return to.

When the old Beatnik couple sitting on the other side are engrossed in coloring books for grown-ups.

When all the local families you meet have two things in common: a father that passed away too young and at least a ten year gap between the closest siblings.

When you don’t ‘do’ yoga, but ‘practice’ yoga; when dying is ‘transitioning’.

When there are chickens literally crossing the (main) road.

When the elderly Hindu locals prefer to bathe half-naked in the chilly river rather than make use of their western-style showers, even in front of curious tourists.

When you discover that there are some 400,000 thousand dogs living on Bali and only about half of them have been vaccinated for Rabies. Meaning if you get bitten by a dog, you have a fifty percent change of dying.

When you meet a lot of whippersnapper expat male New Zealanders whom you wish well in their yoga, surfing and engineering pursuits even though you secretly want to punch them for the idyllic lives they lead.